Right after I delivered Moses, he was laid on my chest. I
was overjoyed to see him after carrying him for 41 weeks and 6 days! He was
beautiful. We all knew something was wrong though. He wasn’t breathing well,
not crying, he was more blue than pink. Shortly after he was laid on my chest
he was taken away to the nursery. They
got me all cleaned and stitched up and moved me to the postpartum floor a
couple hours after I delivered. My mom and doula, Lora, left and it was just
Dave and I waiting to hear any news at all about Moses. At this point I had no
clue what was going on. I was confused as to why I wasn’t able to breastfeed
him or see him, but the nurse assured me his pediatrician would be in to speak
with me shortly.
Another hour passed and finally a pediatrician came in with
a look on her face that was awful! I was terrified! She pulled up a chair and
started letting us know the severity of his situation. He told us he was not
doing well and was going to be airlifted to the neighboring island {Oahu} Where
there is a NICU to care for him.
My heart came up into my throat. Most hospitals have NICU’s,
they take the kiddo upstairs to the next floor and the moms/dads can still be
in the same facility of their babies. HERE in Hawaii, there is ONE NICU for all
the islands. It’s on Oahu, making this experience way more difficult.
After the doc came to speak with us my husband had to leave
{Another dumb Maui hospital rule} The postpartum woman can’t have ANY visitors,
not even the husband from 10pm-8am. It was around 4:30am at this time and I
begged the nurse to let Dave stay with me as I was completely devastated not
being allowed to see my son. They didn’t agree with that so Dave had to leave.
Around 5am, the helicopter finally flew in to take Moses and
the pediatrician asked me if I’d like to go see him before they send him off.
OF COURSE I DID! So I followed her into the nursery and saw my beautiful boy.
{This was 5 hours after I delivered}, I saw him for a few minutes in this huge
incubator, he was all alone, I was all alone. It was so hard to see him like
that. I hadn’t been allowed to hold my baby or give him a kiss or love on him
at all.
As I walked out I lost it. I could barely make it back to my
room – I was heartbroken, empty and totally broken. Not only did I not get to
love on my newborn, but he was being flown across the ocean to another island
and who knows when I will be able to get there, see him, love on him. I questioned,
What if I never saw him again? What if he doesn’t make it? I’ve never
experienced such a hard moment in my life.
Napping on and off throughout the night I finally awoke in
the morning to crying babies. I woke up and looked around questioning where I
was, where my baby was, what had happened, was it a dream? There was no one but
me in the room. It was awful, I called for the nurse in panic – What is
happening? Where is Moses? She assured me everything that happened earlier that
morning was in fact true. Moses wasn’t here. Listening to crying babies was so
hard as I wanted to wake to my baby, like I had planned.
Quickly, the care manager came in to talk with me and
comfort me. I was almost in a dream, it was slow motion, I couldn’t wrap my
head around everything that had happened.
Over the next few hours, I had a flight set for me to get to Oahu, my
mom booked the same flight, my hubby packed me a bag, my amazing doctor
released me 24 hours early from the hospital to catch my flight, we picked up all
my prescriptions {The doc wrote a few knowing I would be up and walking a lot,
which isn’t something most people do right after delivering a baby AND I had
lost way too much blood during labor and needed a high dose of iron} we caught
our plane, got a hotel, took a taxi to the NICU and I saw my beautiful son for
REAL—The most special moment was when I spoke and he turned his little head,
totally recognizing my voice. It was so touching and emotional. AMAZING, NO
words to describe my love for this baby.
 |
| Holding him for the first time! |
 |
| Moses all "hooked up" |
The prayers of everyone were so appreciated and we know it’s
why he healed SO fast and was able to leave on day 5. It was a miraculous
healing, all glory goes to Jesus. When we were there I just visualized my Baby
Bjorn Carrier, I looked at it each day and said, that’s what I’m surviving for
right now. To pack MY baby up in that carrier and head back to Maui. It gave me
the energy I needed to get through. My emotions were so intense, my body was
trying to heal, my mind was running on 10% brain power… It was the hardest 5
days on my life.
 |
| Taking my baby home! |
We are now 8 weeks postpartum and it’s been a journey. I’m
so in love with my little boy. He’s so in love with me and I look forward to
the MANY years of watching him grown into an amazing person. My little miracle.
No comments:
Post a Comment